The Flow of Love

I have learned a great deal about love this past year, mostly that there is incredible beauty in the process of love.

I have seen how fear keeps us estranged from love, that separation does not stop the flow of love we have for another and that the power of love is bigger than we know. Our anger may diminish our feelings of love but it does not banish it. Our anger only attempts to protect us from our feelings of fear and the sadness we feel from the potential loss of love.

I used to believe that we could control our feelings of love, that if we chose to end a relationship our love would stop flowing. I now understand this not to be true. Love is not a source under our control. Our belief that we can choose not to love someone is an illusion. Love runs and permeates all levels of our being. It flows through every cell of our body. We might be able to stop thinking of someone by controlling the mental aspect of our love or to emotionally decide we are done loving someone but vibrationally the love resides. The energy of love is multi-dimensional and runs through many lifetimes. We carry our experience of love in our DNA, in our spiritual essence. Although our relationship with a loved one may end in this lifetime on earth, the interconnectedness of our spirits and what we shared in our hearts continues on.

I used to believe that love happens by chance. Now I have come to know that we are drawn to those we love to fulfill a higher purpose. The love we share with another may provide us with a gift; to be given an experience we are unfamiliar with so we can learn the difference or to better our lives in some way. A relationship with another can provide great lessons to allow us to change and grow, to bring us closer to our soul’s purpose and to a better understanding of ourselves. If we can go into our relationships with this understanding, if we can look at those we love as our teachers and be grateful for what they bring to us, whether pleasant or difficult, we can find deeper meaning and fulfillment in our lives and transform through the flow of love. When we change the way we view love we may find that we begin to create relationships that are richer, more meaningful and longer lasting.

When difficult situations appear in your relationship realize that you may have entered the energy of fear, which separates us from love. To shift back into the energy of love in your relationship, remember the feelings of love that drew you to one another in your initial interactions. Move beyond the physical, earthly reasons you are choosing not to love and make a connection from your spirit to theirs, where the essence of love still vibrates. When your anger surfaces, acknowledge it, be gentle with yourself and then proceed again, back to the vibration of love. You will be surprised to find the love still flowing between you. You may discover that the reasons causing difficulty in your relationship are no longer as big as they once appeared. By entering the spirit of love that connects you, you may gain insight into yourself and the life patterns that keep you separated from love.

You may find that your expectation of another, of how you “should” be loved, is what is keeping you from experiencing the love you yearn for. You may discover that your judgment of another and lack of acceptance of who they are, creates obstacles to your interactions of love. Or better yet, it could be that you have not learned to love and accept yourself, so how could you possibly know how to love and accept another? Those you love are your greatest teachers. If you choose to acknowledge love’s lessons and to reflect on what your loved one is showing you, you will have the opportunity to experience the expansiveness and brilliance of love in a way you have never imagined.

It is in the process of love that we see the reflection into our soul. When we come to understand this we can embrace love fully, step out of our illusions and realize the gift in loving another. To fully love another is the ultimate treasure of life, to be cherished. Walk into your fear, resolve your anger and rediscover the love that still emanates between you. Unconditional love exists with all people and in all situations. It is up to you to be aware, to be open and to choose to experience the magnificence of love.

This past year I allowed the flow of love to transform me. I am grateful.

Lana

do something different

Our world is full of activity. People are in a constant state of motion and endless thought. Most people live each day just trying to keep up, consumed with work, maintaining their environment, doing the bare minimum to maintain their health and if they have any energy left they spend time with their partner, their family or friends. Why do people choose to live this way? It is what they have learned.

In our youth and beyond we learn we must become educated, pursue a career and obtain financial security. We must work hard throughout our lives, to become something. Our society has taught us that our worth lies in our degrees, our titles and the letters we carry behind our names. We learn that the more possessions we maintain and the quantity of leisure and luxury we experience, are signs of how important we are.

We have developed a pattern that puts us in a constant state of always thinking of what’s next, the next task on our list, next week’s project, our goals for next year or as far ahead as making plans for retirement. One list is completed and a new one is created and in this process our bodies become tired, overworked, uncared for and eventually dis-eased. Our relationships suffer or become non-existent.

The illusion in this predicament is that we feel like something is missing in our lives but we don’t have the time to explore our feelings. We rarely feel we have achieved enough or obtained enough so we keep attempting to achieve. Our fear and lack of self-worth keeps us living in a state of dissatisfaction, not appreciating all that we have right now or relishing in the experience of the moment.

When we live our lives focusing on what is outside of us and what lies in the future we miss an incredible opportunity to see the true meaning in our lives, to find fulfillment within and in the present moment.

We can choose to stop our constant activity and listen, to explore what had led us to the lives we are currently living and whether it is what we really want now. If we have not created a life we really love, we can choose to do something different.

Through a daily commitment to sit still and connect with your inner voice, you can begin to make change in your life. Connecting to your inner voice only 10 minutes a day can make a difference. You can dedicate time in your life to contemplate what you want, how you want to live and what fulfills you. Open your mind to the possibility that your life is a blank canvas and you can make it a unique work of art.

Begin to direct your mind to staying in the present. You can practice “presence” while walking in nature, making the effort to really see all that is around you and hear the sounds of nature as you walk. If you are having a conversation with someone look into their eyes, listen and acknowledge them. Be aware of wandering thoughts and redirect your focus. Sit and be completely present versus distracting yourself with other activities. Feel the richness of this type of interaction.

You can practice being present to your body by listening to what it is trying to communicate to you. Take the time to nurture your body by giving it the rest it needs, providing it with pure, healthy food and water and maintaining regular exercise. When you are present to your body’s needs you become more aware and have more energy to create positive change in your life.

Find a role model who is living the way you want to live and emulate them. Are they peaceful and happy? Do they have good relationships? Do they love their work? Do they know who they are and what they want from life? Talk to them about their lives and learn how they created this life for themselves.

Possibly, the real reason we are living, is for us to know and love our body, to discover and love who we really are, to find what we are passionate about and to create it and then…. to share who we become with others.

Are you creating a life that you love? Are you in love with who you are and are you reflecting that love out into the world? As Gandhi said, if you really want to change your life, then “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Begin now, do something different.

do you fit the description?

From the moment we are born, what we hear, feel and see gets recorded in our mind (as memory) and in our bodies (as physical reaction). Our parents or our primary caregivers become our role models. We look to them to learn how to behave and survive in the world. Over time what we learn accumulates and shapes our beliefs, our thoughts and our actions.

If we look closely at our lives now, we can see that we are operating from “a description” we have been given. Based on how our parents saw the world and how they behaved in it, shaped the description we move out into the world with. Not only can our beliefs and thoughts be ingrained in us at a young age but also our physical reactions. A person’s posture, facial expressions and their level of sensitivity can be completely related to events experienced in the past. Health issues we have today can be an accumulation of physical restriction in the body (our pattern of how we learned to react to stress).

We are creatures of habit. Once a behavior is learned, it can stay with us throughout our lifetime. Even if a particular habit is not serving us, most of us will unconsciously continue the behavior. But for those of us who want to grow and transform our lives, we can choose to become aware. We can explore the description we are living by. We can begin to question our beliefs and to look at our thoughts more closely. We can also reconnect to our bodies to discover how our restricting patterns are negatively impacting our health. When we begin to recognize our patterns we realize that we perceive the world inaccurately. These patterns may have worked for us in the past but they are not true for us now.

Through my own personal story, you can see one small example of how a learned behavior can affect ones life:

I grew up with a mother who was extremely afraid of bees. At the sight of a bee she would scream, wave her hands and run away. Anytime a bee appeared this was her reaction. As a young child I was not able to fully understand why my mother was behaving this way. I just made an association- the bee – the feeling of fear- and a physical reaction. When my mother responded this way I would feel unsafe, which would create fear, then a physical reaction would follow, the tensing of my body.

Later in life, as I was learning to explore my description and cultivate more awareness in my life, I was outside and a bee appeared. I noticed for the first time how my body was responding. My nervous system reacted with the fight or flight response. I leaped up and felt fearful. But in a moment of new consciousness I stopped myself. I asked, “Am I really afraid of this bee? Have I ever been stung by a bee? Do I have a reason to be afraid?” I instantly recalled my mother’s reaction. I knew that I was not truly afraid of the bee. I was responding from the description I had been given, the learned behavior associated with the bee. The truth was I liked bees. I had no reason to be afraid of them.

With this new knowledge I could change the pattern that was not serving me. My body stopped reacting in an unhealthy way at the appearance of a bee.

As I continued to explore my description, I saw there were many instances such as this one. On a regular basis I was responding to situations in my life based on old patterns, not what was really true. I continued to explore my description and as a result I moved more into the truth of my being.

So, I challenge you, to discover how you are living in your description versus living in truth. How are old learned behaviors creating experiences in your life that are not serving you? You have a choice. Do something different.

Lana

top 100 hits

I used to love to listen to the top 100 radio hits when I was a teenager. I would hope that my favorite songs would make it to the top. I no longer listen to the radio, with new technology providing an amazing music selection via cable, cds or mp3’s. In fact, I don’t even know if the top 100 radio hits even exist any longer. But what made me recall this event from my childhood was an awareness that I have thoughts that continually play in my mind, over and over again. Some of these reocurring thoughts are:

If only I had done this.
What if I had made this choice?
I should of done it another way.
I could have done it better.
What would have happened if….?

I began to notice how often these thoughts randomly appeared in my life. I wondered, what caused this desire to look back and question if there might have been a different way of thinking, choosing or acting that could have created a better outcome? I realized these thoughts keep me in a place of dissatisfaction with the present versus acceptance. They create a doubting in myself versus a trusting. I then began to realize these thoughts have been playing in my mind a long time and I wondered, where did they originate from, when did they begin playing?

It’s not surprising that we would learn to question whether we could of done better considering we get evaluated, beginning at the age of 5 in our schools, compared to everyone else, rated and then told how we could improve. This practice goes on for at least 18 years of our life, if not longer, depending if we continue on to college. Then we have our parents believing that in order to be good parents they must show us the best or better way of doing things, of course it is their way and they believe they are older and wiser so they must know what is best for us. Because everyone around us is being evaluated and measured in some way by the establishments or elders of our society, we are surrounded by it. It’s therefore, no surprise that we would begin to internalize what surrounds us externally, taking it in, absorbing it, until it becomes our own voice.

Then I have to ask, what if I grew up in an environment, with role models that taught me to trust my inner voice, to discover my inner-wisdom, to value and love who I am- both my gifts and my challenges? If only I could of learned how to have acceptance of myself as a unique individual who is capable of becoming more, or more importantly capable of choosing who I want to become.

No matter when those thoughts began playing in my mind, in a state of awareness in this moment I can look at those thoughts and decide whether they are true for me now or whether they are serving me. Quickly, I see the answer is “no.” I choose to live in the present. I choose to trust the circumstances of my life, to know that all my experiences bring me exactly what I need, whether a lesson or a gift. I can look back at the choices I have made in my life to help me understand my patterns, or where my beliefs and thoughts have led me, but it is with a view of acceptance versus dissatisfaction and a feeling of trust, versus doubt.

When you really think about it, you can’t go back and change a decision already made or an action already done. To look back and question, formulate another scenario or verbally degrade yourself for what you believed to be the wrong decision or not the best you could do, is only using up energy that could be used productively in your life now. You can begin today to break away from the classifications that compare us to general statistics, to the norm or the current standard and discover your own wisdom. You can learn to know what is true for you, to value and love the light and dark of who you are, to know that there are gifts provided in both. Begin to practice acceptance of your unique self and choose how you want to share your uniqueness with others. Trust your inner voice and realize that in this moment these choices are creating a life you can really love.

Lana

past, present and future

Past….you don’t know how many times I have been told “don’t dwell on the past,” or “you think too much.” I used to get really bothered when people said that to me but now I realize and accept that I am a curious, open individual that desires to understand how the world works, the truth of who I am and how the two collaborate.

My first experience at delving into my past came from the advice of a friend (teacher) that appeared into my life. I never would have been able to do this work had it not been for his guidance and support. He recommended that I begin writing about my life, every detail I could remember from the time I was born. As I wrote I was not to look back, to edit or re-read, only when I was completely finished and after waiting about a week, (to ensure other memories didn’t surface), would I be able to read it in full.

I can’t tell you what a heart-wrenching and revealing experience it was to read about my life as if I was reading a story that someone else had written. This event led me to seek out guidance in my life. Through body-mind therapies, working with mentors, education and training and developing an intimate relationship with myself, I was able to embrace the difficulties of my life and to come to understand their deeper meaning.

I learned how the experiences of my past shaped my beliefs about who I was and how those beliefs were negatively affecting how I was relating to others. I listened to the thoughts in my head that were creating obstacles to my success and learned that they were not true. I discovered that the pain in my body was related to the trauma I had experienced and never released. Through this process of reviewing my life in pain-staking detail, I began to move out of the past and into the present, free from the ties that were binding me. I removed the obstacles that were preventing me from living freely, in clarity and in truth. Embracing, accepting and then releasing the past helped me to move from living in fear to living in love.

Present…it has been through my deep and thorough exploration of the past that I have come to know the truth about the experiences in my life and how they have shaped who I am in the present. In knowing the truth, I now understand why my body physically reacts the way it does, what my feelings mean and where my thoughts and beliefs originated. I am no longer a blocked, senseless person moving along on the fast track, in denial and living a meaningless life of illusion.

What I have learned is when you are able to fully get to know yourself and understand your past you can be responsible for what you create in the present. You begin to learn that what you attract into your life is exactly what you need to grow and to heal. You can no longer look outside of yourself, blaming everyone and everything around you for how they are affecting your life. You can see the patterns, in fact you know them well, but now when an old pattern surfaces you are aware, you understand it and you move quickly and easily to make a different choice. You live your life with acceptance and compassion for yourself. You remember where you were in the past, and the pain you lived with, you clearly see how much you have grown. You know now that this is the life you were intended to live, this is the person you were meant to be and in every moment you live in gratitude for who you have become and the life you have created.

Future…. The future no longer carries the weight it used to. I am on the path to living my highest and best life. More than ever I am able to be present in each moment and open to the experiences that life brings to me. I already know that what is ahead will be perfect because I have learned to trust. My life is being directed from a deep inner place that has proven over time to lead me in the right direction.

I am excited and grateful for my future, which is right now, having the opportunity to share with you.

Lana

the horse experience

I never would have imagined my one week stay at a health spa would include an interaction with a horse that would turn out to be an incredibly revealing and transformative experience. When the man (who looked like Wyatt Earp) and coincidentally was named Wyatt, appeared to meet me, I have to admit I was somewhat hesitant. His appearance was intimidating. He was a tall, strong man with a soul piercing gaze, who was dressed in full cowboy attire. He was also a psychologist, who specialized in working with troubled teenagers.

The program, called the Equine Experience started out in the stables. I was directed to walk through the stables and meet each horse, to decide which horse I wanted to work with. I didn’t know much about horses so I based my decision on the look of the horse and the feeling I had when I was around it. Wyatt brought the horse I chose out of the stable into an area where we would do our work together. He told me that I had chosen the most difficult, challenging horse in the stable. He said he was somewhat aggressive and didn’t like people very much. “Oh Great”, I thought, not a good start.

The program was designed to allow an individual to practice equestrian ground skills while triggering a “self-discovery” process. Because horses are so perceptive, how you relate to the horse will mirror your patterns of relating to all living things, such as people. The horse will respond accordingly based on how you are thinking and feeling. It will even pick up on your most subtle body movements.

I was asked to interact with the horse in the way I felt most comfortable. I walked up to the horse to pat him on the head. Wyatt asked me, “Why would you walk directly up to a horse that I just finished telling you was aggressive and didn’t like people?” I responded, ‘I wanted him to like me.”

In this first interaction I learned that I was putting the needs of others in front of my own in an effort to be liked. Wyatt pointed out how I was even willing to risk my own safety to be liked by the horse. What did this reveal about me and about my past experiences?

Working with a horse can expose patterns of learned behaviors. These are the thoughts and actions that you learned throughout your life and are now habitual. They become so ingrained in your personality that you don’t even know they are there. Most people have been conditioned to focus first on others, versus themselves. In my family I learned that I had to be quiet, to be nice and be good in order to be safe. I carried this learned behavior out into my life in many ways, not realizing how it may not be beneficial for me now.

The next experience I had with the horse was an attempt to clean his hooves. This was not an easy task. It turns out that horses will not put themselves in a vulnerable position for anyone. If they do not feel safe and comfortable they will not cooperate. I was somewhat nervous to lift up the horses leg, afraid that I may be hurt, understandably, he was a big horse and possibly aggressive, right? Not only was I afraid of being hurt I was also worried that I would do it wrong and hurt the horse. However, Wyatt showed me when I could go inside and believe in myself, find my inner strength and trust that I would be safe, the horse would respond accordingly. Amazingly he did, he lifted his leg up with ease, but the moment I would go back to doubting myself, he would immediately put his foot back down.

Through this process I learned that what I felt inside about myself could be felt subconsciously by others, which meant my thoughts and feelings could potentially affect the experiences in my life. If I was coming from a place of fear, not trusting or believing in myself, how were these feelings preventing me from creating the life I really wanted?

Most of us have never stopped to question how our thoughts and actions may be impacting our lives. Could these learned behaviors be creating difficulty in our lives without us realizing it? We have to stop and review how we are living, the choices we are making and decide whether our actions are working for or against us. We have to question what we learned as children and whether it is right for us now.

The final part of my work with the horse was to go into the ring and lead him to walk, trot and canter (called changing gait) around the ring at my verbal command and then with hand signals. This was a test in my ability to believe in myself, be confident and be a leader. It was very revealing to see how my fear and low self esteem were affecting my interactions with the horse. Until I could become strong within myself, believe in my abilities and find the confidence within me, the horse would not respond. By the end of this exercise, the horse walked straight to me and put his head in my hands. What a heart-opening and empowering moment. I saw my potential to be a leader, and how it was possible to believe in myself.

In the few hours I had in the presence of this magnificent horse, I learned a lot. This process was not about discovering who I was, it was about remembering who I was. It was an opportunity to get present with myself and to see how most of my life I had been reacting to my experiences based on past events and old beliefs, not what was true for me today. I returned home contemplating, “What is true for me now? Who am I?” I felt compelled to explore these questions, which led me to the beginning of my healing journey and eventually transforming my life.

Lana